25.11.09

King Pelican (Extract)

-the character of Edward Lear addressing the character of Johnny

Only recently have I come to understand something that Lord 

Westbury said to me. We were talking on one occasion, I made a 

foolish little joke about ducks, a silly pun — this is it, you see, exactly, 

a pun is no more or less than an irreconcilable tension and really we 

were talking at some metaphorical remove about the American Civil 

War. 

 

 He said to me: “Lear, I abominate the forcible introduction of 

ridiculous images, calculated to distract the mind from what it is 

contemplating.” 

 

 

LEAR laughs, though his distress is evident. 

 

 

 At the time I thought he was being an old stuffed buzzard, but now, 

God damn it to hell, you come around here and ask if I want your 

company and what am I to say? 


Everything I can possibly ever say to you, including this, and this, and 

this, and this, I write it all on your mind. Do you see? I speak, or I 

gesture, or I whistle a tune or blow my nose, and whatever it is, if 

you’re here to see it, it’s something I’m doing to you, that gets inside 

you. I get inside you and scribble on the inside of your brain. My silly 

little cartoon men with broken arms and jutting beards. I forcibly 

introduce images into your contemplation. I have only to lift a finger 

and my finger’s inside you. Yes?


It used to be my heart’s delight to see you in the afternoons, and talk 

about my travels, and sound off about painting, and blow words at 

you and enjoy your pleasure. But ever since I killed those innocent 

animals — those sixty-three creatures that need never have existed, 

and I brought them into the world simply for the pleasure of 

destroying them... Like some blind stumbling God. You see? I killed 

them for my sport... 

 

 And now I’m all but paralysed by my capacity for violence, which 

exceeds all else. I may love you, Johnny. But what a thing to say to 

someone! Surely I haven’t the right to commit such a horribly 

disruptive act? It’s like shouting ‘fire!’ in a theatre! It’s too 

irresponsible.



-Chris Goode


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